Disturbia

I have been sleeping peacefully for the past months.

Now the uneasiness has crept back in. I don’t like it.

There’s nothing worst than your heart pounding very fast, you tossed and turned and your mind thought of bad things when you are ready for bed .

Back in July 2008, my house was broken into. 4 robbers entered our home equipped with sharp objects (parang, long knife, super long screwdrivers). They caught us and tied us - myself, Dik, Mama, Papa, Kak Tine (about 8 months pregnant with Irsyad). Luckily they didn’t tie the boys, Imran and Adam or I think they would cry and make things complicated. All of us were not harmed (though my mom and brother got some marks on their wrist because they wires were too tight). The losses, Alhamdullillah, were not much but we lost 2 laptops, all our handphones (about 6), wrist watches, some cash and the jewellery we had on us ( I lost my beloved white gold and diamond necklace my mom gave me – the one I thought I would give my own daughter one day, and a gold bracelet). I miss it. :((

Even though the losses were not much, I think the thing I lost the most is the feeling of security and safety in my own home. Home should be our safe haven. A place where we feel safe, and think nothing bad will happen. After that incident, I realized that even my home is not safe anymore. I get nervous when I heard knocking sound on doors. Why? Well, when they entered my room, they had my brother – with knife on his neck, and they asked my brother to wake me up. My brother knocked faintly on my door, I woke up and know that something is wrong. It was at about 3 in the morning. I went to the door and heard faint voices, and then they kicked my door because I didn’t respond. My door is quite hard so they couldn’t break it… but then I heard my brother’s voice, asking me to open the door. So I opened it and they came to me and took my jewellery and tied my hands. I was shaking. I don't want to feel that again and I hope nobody will have to experience this too. It took me months to get back the sense of security in my own room, and home. I think I started sleeping in my own without worrying about a couple months ago I think.

A few days ago, there were attempted break in at my neighbours house. My next door neighbour’s alarm went off, it scared the baddies and they went to the house at the back and failed too. Now everyone is on alert. My dad has informed the police. We are back at being nervous and scared. Since then, I am back in Kak Tine’s room and every night before I go to sleep, I got very nervous and scared. We jumped at every sound we heard. This is not a nice feeling, this phobia.